You are here: Home > Articles > Why Do Some Women Say No?

Toronto Dance Article:
Why Do Some Women Say No?

You’ve finally gotten up the guts to go and ask a girl to dance, but you walk away empty handed. This happens in night clubs as well as in dance classes. Some women have a good reason and will be forthright in communicating it (oh, my partner is just on his way over from the washroom). Some women who have hidden motives are nice enough to make up a plausible excuse (I’m just taking a break right now). Others don’t bother. Most everyone will have this experience once or twice, but don’t be discouraged. Knowing the reasons why some women say no will help you avoid this horrible situation the next time round.

Some women are just snobs:

They don’t want to dance with anyone who isn’t a pro.

How to spot them: They spend most of the night sitting down, scanning the dance floor, mentally appraising and rating all the dancers.

What can you do: Avoid these women at all costs. Even if you are a brilliant dancer, these women are unpleasant and don’t understand that the essence of dancing is to have fun, not to climb the salsa status ladder.

Some women are show-offs:

This kind only wants to prove how good they are, and consequently only likes to dance with the guys who’ll fling them around the dance floor doing double spins and French dips.

How to spot them: They are either sitting down most of the night gossiping with the snobs (see above), or they are dancing with a dour expression on their face and trying to back lead their partner around the dance floor. You can normally see a back-leader because the couple looks like they’re wrestling.

What can you do: Avoid these women too. They’ve already decided that they’re not going to enjoy themselves. They really want to be on a roller coaster at the funfair, not in a ballroom or salsa club.

Some women are shy:

Some women are shy of unknown men and can feel a little threatened when dancing with a total stranger.

How to spot them: They only dance with the people they came with, even if they only came with girlfriends.

What can you do: Try to make her feel comfortable with you. Behave like a gentleman and keep your distance so she doesn’t feel threatened. Let her feel like she is in control – ask her if she would dance with you a little later on, and let her decide when she is ready. Leave an opening at the end of a song so that she can walk away without feeling awkward. Again, let her decide how many songs she wants to dance to.

Some women feel they’re not good enough:

These women are beginners, or don’t think much of their dancing ability.

How to spot them: If they dance at all, they are off in a dark corner, or right in the middle of the crowded dance floor so that they can blend in anonymously and not attract any attention to themselves.

What can you do: Open your offer with ‘I’m a bit of a beginner, but would you mind dancing with me?’ Or a ‘I’m new to this, do you know if this song is a waltz or a foxtrot?’ Let her feel like she is on the same level as you. Don’t ask her to dance to the fastest cha-cha known to man – try to pick a slower, easier song, so that she doesn’t feel overwhelmed. Once you have her on the dance floor, dance a few basics first to let her settle in, and slowly work up to the more complicated moves, making sure she is coping with them. Don’t make her do more than you feel she is comfortable with. Another good tip is to go to salsa clubs or ballroom venues where there is a free lesson given to different dancing ability levels – this way you can become familiar with those at your same level before the general dancing begins.

Then again, some women just aren’t nice. But you wouldn’t want to dance with them anyway.

Copyright © 2003-2009, Toronto Dance Inc. All rights reserved.
This article may not be copied/republished without expressed permission from Toronto Dance Inc.